tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-113822772011-07-15T14:11:00.641-05:00I am a traveler. My mission: to drive through galaxies in search of life forms never before seen. My only nemesis: the Duchess of Hazard who transmits her distraction devices through such things as free cable and bathtubs of unusual sizes. When I finally submit my findings I will be sent home. Until then I will enjoy every alter universe I stumble upon and with them all the chicken rings and santana covers they have to offer. bye-bye. rsrobotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.comBlogger361100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-29445301816342020972007-07-21T20:29:00.000-05:002007-07-21T20:53:53.526-05:00

friends,I have been on a top-secret mission for the last many moons. So secret, in fact, that I am still not sure what my orders are. I write to you huddled under a walnut shell wearing fake eyebrows. My disguise grows limper by the minute and I fear they will soon lose their adhesive. The sharks continue to swarm with boredom. The plan: throw a bag of Carson's ribs out of the walnut shell and

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1141160832334274572006-02-28T14:27:00.000-06:002006-02-28T15:10:10.890-06:00

Dear Mandarin Psychologist:Sometimes I throw my cell phone at people, cats and at times parked cars. Now I have no friends and sit at home eating freezer burned fudgey pops all day, all by myself! Now I throw my cell phone at Dr. Phil but he can't respond. Now I'm lonely WITH a cracked TV screen. Help!Signed,Major Freak-outDear Major Freak-out:Do You Need Counseling Ask Yourself These Questions?

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1139810940531400052006-02-13T00:06:00.000-06:002006-02-28T13:36:43.520-06:00

.fin.

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1138211369797492372006-01-25T11:45:00.000-06:002006-01-25T11:49:29.810-06:00

hi,not sure how i got sucked in here, but i'm here.some day i'll have something to say.

sharkhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07439583469813925156noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1137809264311942632006-01-20T20:03:00.000-06:002006-01-23T09:27:08.343-06:00

.

fish face killahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03773614731529892634noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1137708519088858982006-01-19T15:58:00.000-06:002006-01-19T16:11:52.546-06:00

.FFK hasn't left his room in three weeks. He has "Bad Mood" by the musical group Helmet playing on repeat. He also has it in three different languages which I find to be quite amazing. The German one makes me frightened. There are now three cracks in the wall underneath our family portrait. I put a sticky note under the door and it got stuck half way under. I don't think he's noticed it and I

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1137696656581441122006-01-19T12:43:00.000-06:002006-01-19T12:57:56.063-06:00

.Dear latest crush,You'll probably get this late since I don't see you that often. I was going to go to the game Thursday but I had softball practice. I had to go because we DO need practice. And I was going to go Sunday but I had to go to a party.By the way, remember that ugly bike I was riding? Well I don't have to anymore. I got a 12-speed mountain bike. At least it's better than the other one

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1136834602919526372006-01-09T13:17:00.000-06:002006-01-20T14:10:17.936-06:00

.My friends have informed me that because a new calendar year has been instated it was mandatory for me to come up with some things that I will promise to do differently in the next 365 days. I will keep a running list to document my progress. 1) Get a trainer: status complete-see attached hyperlink 2) Stop and smell the flowers - IN PROGRESS bought some haven't stopped yet 3) REVISED: TAKE

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1135052872582409872005-12-19T22:16:00.000-06:002005-12-19T22:42:33.963-06:00

. Looking for a new pod is like sweet kisses from a dirty vacuum. I am losing strength. All the hallways reek from a combination of ramen noodle soup, lemon pine cleaners and dirty sneakers. The hallways that I can afford with my monthly cash dollars, that is. The sharks are swarming around the smell of new ink on a blank check. I am swarming from the designer imposter cologne. I sit at a sterile

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1134589643529473712005-12-14T13:38:00.000-06:002005-12-14T14:45:30.450-06:00

(quoted from Oscar Wilde)"Strive hard to be the person you want to be; meanwhile the universe will think it is dealing with someone you have yet to become.”(quoted from future self)

futures elfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03678219574257002180noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1134585999106650652005-12-14T12:44:00.000-06:002005-12-19T18:02:00.203-06:00

...and another mouth to feed. I have decided to keep a log of first audible human interactions from each morning. My attempt is to uncover a consistent correlation between time of day and language choice. Here begins a running list of the first utterances of the day in my general direction. Wednesday December 14th, 2005"After you sir, I mean madam."Findings: Common social bumble...today I donned

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1134074598298272522005-12-08T14:41:00.000-06:002005-12-08T16:05:06.766-06:00

.I was sent to an event called a roller derby. I did some research by looking at old roller-skating magazines from the years 1977 and 1984. I discovered that in order to fit into this setting I would need to use a curling device to “feather” my hair….the result is a strand convention resembling the delicate wing of a surly macaw. I went to a clothing store to gather up a one piece leotard and a

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1133563779470505802005-12-02T16:40:00.000-06:002005-12-02T16:53:04.086-06:00

Salutations Mr. Harley Lipman Esq. Feudal Lord:It appears as though you have hired new help to tend to your fields. I have neither seen them nor the two k9s they have in their company. I am writing this letter to say you were right. I should not have a dog on the premises....but someone should, that someone being not me, preferably. Now I see, it all makes so much sense, like putting my forehead

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1131749702988384702005-11-11T16:53:00.000-06:002005-12-01T11:13:51.800-06:00

.Oh dear me! I fear that something is the matter with Killah. He has been withdrawn and listening to loud and morose musicals from his sleeping quarters. I have taken to watching backlog episodes of Jenny Jones and Philip Donohue. Each one makes me cry just a little more and each one makes me get up and turn another lock on my front hatch. Do I need to send my sweet sweet little fish face to a

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1131489328142990642005-11-08T16:34:00.000-06:002005-11-10T22:49:23.340-06:00

.

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1131406082385843262005-11-07T17:23:00.000-06:002005-11-08T16:40:15.826-06:00

fish face killah did his taxes today, then went to band practice and wrote a song called plaid rock.

fish face killahhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03773614731529892634noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1130802991889623012005-10-31T17:34:00.000-06:002005-10-31T17:56:31.903-06:00

Humphrey asks: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?Wow Humphrey....you're smart. But not smart enough. You see the question is hypothetical. One does not need to spend time deciphering how much wood a woodchuck would chuck, because as the question points out, that is if a woodchuck could indeed chuck wood. I think, in order to answer this question, we need to

futures elfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03678219574257002180noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1130445389767544362005-10-27T15:33:00.000-05:002005-10-27T15:36:30.103-05:00

throw them out.

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1130442988179124142005-10-27T14:56:00.000-05:002005-10-28T17:01:05.620-05:00

lady paradethey parade your ladyone small hand soaringover broad shoulders and smilesyou motion for me from around the cornercheers dissolve into the brickwith glasses raisedyou whisper a toast “to happiness.”

futures elfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03678219574257002180noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1129130446391254112005-10-12T09:57:00.000-05:002005-10-12T10:41:29.926-05:00

.Are your appliances sluggish?Is your toothbrush not as perky as it use to be?Does your hallway light seem dull and gloomy?Of course they do!You need to find them a mate!inani*MATE™©® is a for profit, all risk, partial service that is dedicated to matching your loveless possessions with other equally lonely objects in your area. Let's find an item for your items!Just look at these testimonials

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1129068854553749592005-10-11T17:01:00.000-05:002005-11-11T11:40:29.630-06:00

Fish Faced Killah and I have been ransacking our pod in search of extra US currency to purchase coveted bootlegged manuscripts of the tele-series "Lost". Not only did we manage to destroy our living quarters, we uncovered: one cheeto, an exploded battery, a ripped calendar photo of Joey Lawrence (swoon), and a tiny unidentifiable solar system, none of which are worth close to what we need. As a

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1127493975359741042005-09-23T11:43:00.000-05:002005-09-23T14:43:16.976-05:00

Not only was yesterday the autumnal equinox, but a good friend informed me that it was also Frodo and Bilbo Baggins' birthdays. It's been some time since I've thought about the wisdom found in those pages. I'm grateful for the wink and elbow.Ent's song about the loss of their WivesEnt: 'When Spring unfolds the beechen leaf,and sap is in the bough;When light is on the wild-wood stream,and wind is

futures elfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03678219574257002180noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1126921295169043882005-09-16T20:33:00.000-05:002005-09-22T00:28:21.640-05:00

Salutations Mister Harley Limpman Feudal Lord, esq. III:I am tapping these tiny letters on these tiny buttons in a manner that is both exhausted and morose. Since you have not been able to break open my rib cage and remove my still beating heart in the past I see you have decided to take a different approach. This time you've decided to yank it out through the openings of my rib cage with your

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1123897575977664812005-08-12T20:42:00.000-05:002005-09-21T23:13:42.413-05:00

dancingspinningswirlingyou were once stuffedalmondscapersjalepenosgarlicsonionspimentosthe pit replacedby contents all too smallthey've left you andloiter at the bottom of a jarwith a fancy labelyou are soaked in ginall the swords are brokenthe toothpick makes its own holedance till the liquid is goneyou are nextwith love and tragedy,johnny *heart* sweatheart

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1123725823284862962005-08-10T21:02:00.000-05:002005-08-10T21:27:15.780-05:00

I have been sent from my new sleep chamber to a far Northern galaxy. This latest mission is met with much apprehension as my shiny unconscious platform configuration leaves me craving it every time I blink. This blink pattern is something I am not accustomed to and each time I close a lid I have to voluntarily open it after .09 milliseconds. Sometimes, when there is much to process at once I will

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1123188669713151522005-08-04T15:38:00.000-05:002005-08-04T16:04:19.573-05:00

My data bank has become dangerously overloaded. I decided that it was time to empty the trash and recalibrate. After an afternoon of whistling and shredding mental paperwork I deduced that it would be best to detach the info box entirely and float for a while. This, it appears, has not only done wonders for my complexion, but also for my central and south central nervous systems. I have a backlog

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1116362901090877262005-05-17T15:33:00.000-05:002005-05-17T15:48:21.093-05:00

I took a journey to the summit of Mount Torture. I went alone equipped with tales of the creatures that reside in the caves. As soon as the horizon meets my eyes I am surrounded by goons with face masks and search lights. They are convinced that by probing my mouth pearls they will discover the secrets that I keep. I am strapped to a chair and dulled by long needles; each one an attempt to erase

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1115087985629514192005-05-02T21:28:00.000-05:002005-05-02T21:39:45.630-05:00

Her name is Tina. Tina is a wreck. Tina clutches her papers and paces back and forth. Her commander will lose his upper lip if she botches Mission Unload the Snow. I am perched on a straight back chair leering at her. My arms are wrapped around my knees because the cooling jets are at full blast straight into my face. My teeth are chattering. Tina sits and then stands and then paces and then sits

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1114361837590239862005-04-24T11:56:00.000-05:002005-04-24T11:57:17.590-05:00

for a really long time and I was obviously getting a little concerned. So I took a couple and folded them over just like they tell you to. I sent them down to the guys in receiving. They were really upset. I tacked some more mouths onto the side to make it look more "convincing" or "menacing", but what else could I do? I did everything in my power, short of exerting myself, and none of the

Mr. Pantsuithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02245823399645893347noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1113338438091754042005-04-12T15:40:00.000-05:002005-09-21T23:12:30.323-05:00

i hurt.i am a turtle.a hurdle with no shell.you tell me to cross the street.i say meet me half way.you do.i do.your side had a steamroller.mine a shwin.i win.you splat.with love and tragedy,johnny *heart* sweatheart

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1113193882049506852005-04-10T23:31:00.000-05:002005-04-10T23:31:22.050-05:00

Gloria likes her bran 

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1113012076652709742005-04-08T20:52:00.000-05:002005-04-08T21:29:56.563-05:00

Robotskirt keeps being like "when are you going to contribute to the blog?" and I'm all like "it's kind of hard to type w/ hooves." But then I figured it out. I just put gloves on my hands and fill the fingers w/ sand. It's actually kind of unwieldy, but it's pretty good.So what is this place? Look at all these buttons! What's this one do?.. Whoa.What's this one?.. Oh hey Greggy, what are you

Mr. Pantsuithttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02245823399645893347noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1111096177167039742005-03-17T15:26:00.000-06:002005-09-21T23:31:21.496-05:00

United flight 257 from Jacksonville was on time and in the gate. It was an evening flight and the sky was a bit orange. I found my seat next to the window which is preferable to the aisle; the aisle being less desirable due to the shuffling of bladder full passengers making their way to the toilet. Nothing like opening your eyes from a light nap to find someone’s back end in your face. And then

futures elfhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03678219574257002180noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1110922078920030872005-03-15T15:15:00.000-06:002005-09-21T23:45:04.016-05:00

I am sitting outside a high society sleep chamber for the paralyzing affluent. So far I've gone about my business undetected. I am wearing black which is the "new black" I am told by some fashion sources popular in cyber space. I am hiding behind some Kurt Vonnegut papers in hopes no one will take notice of my antennae. I have ordered some squishy brown meat wrapped in a slimy goo shell along

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1110615753189774782005-03-12T02:22:00.000-06:002005-04-19T16:23:52.773-05:00

This is my sidekick fish faced killah. He's pretty no joke, but gets sorta tweaked by bright lights and tapping sounds. Last year we found out he's allergic to aaron neville ballads and most things considered "soft" or "frilly". He likes chilly cheese fries and rolling down the street sippin' on liquid oxygen. Favorite line: "Caution: I'm gonna fuck you up."

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11382277.post-1110572816950391302005-03-11T14:25:00.000-06:002005-03-15T15:34:03.943-06:00

Friends: I write to you huddled under a desk lamp in a small, dark, clammy corner of the space center floating around Alpha Centauri 3. I woke up so early this morning I wanted to puke. There was a power outage that effected the whole block. We had to move some suits away from the projectors as the constant power surges are heating up the projector lamps enough that one more could cause them to

robotskirthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09149847824846294784noreply@blogger.com0