I am a traveler. My mission: to drive through galaxies in search of life forms never before seen. My only nemesis: the Duchess of Hazard who transmits her distraction devices through such things as free cable and bathtubs of unusual sizes. When I finally submit my findings I will be sent home. Until then I will enjoy every alter universe I stumble upon and with them all the chicken rings and santana covers they have to offer. bye-bye. rs

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Ask the Mandarin Psychologist

Dear Mandarin Psychologist:
Sometimes I throw my cell phone at people, cats and at times parked cars. Now I have no friends and sit at home eating freezer burned fudgey pops all day, all by myself! Now I throw my cell phone at Dr. Phil but he can't respond. Now I'm lonely WITH a cracked TV screen. Help!
Major Freak-out

Dear Major Freak-out:
Do You Need Counseling Ask Yourself These Questions?

1. Do you lose your temper daily?
2. Have you ever hit somebody because you have lost your temper?
3. Do you say things you regret or do embarrassing things when you feel angry?
4. Have you broken anything when you are angry? (i.e. Punching through a wall)
5. Do you find yourself getting upset about insignificant things?
6. Do you find yourself in frequent arguments because of your anger?
7. Have you ever been involved in domestic violence?
8. Does drinking alcohol make you more prone to getting angry?
9. Do you inflict pain on your self or others when angry?
10. Do you feel frustrated when trying to express your self?
11. Do you find your self with road rage?

If you threw your phone at your computer screen, you need my help! Buy my info tapes and you'll be back on the road to a happier you!



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