I am a traveler. My mission: to drive through galaxies in search of life forms never before seen. My only nemesis: the Duchess of Hazard who transmits her distraction devices through such things as free cable and bathtubs of unusual sizes. When I finally submit my findings I will be sent home. Until then I will enjoy every alter universe I stumble upon and with them all the chicken rings and santana covers they have to offer. bye-bye. rs

Friday, September 23, 2005

a kind reminder

Not only was yesterday the autumnal equinox, but a good friend informed me that it was also Frodo and Bilbo Baggins' birthdays. It's been some time since I've thought about the wisdom found in those pages. I'm grateful for the wink and elbow.

Ent's song about the loss of their Wives

'When Spring unfolds the beechen leaf,
and sap is in the bough;
When light is on the wild-wood stream,
and wind is on the brow;
When stride is long, and breath is deep,
and keen on the mountain-air,
Come back to me! come back to me,
and say my land is fair!'

'When Spring is come to garth and field,
and corn is in the blade;
When blossom like a shining snow
is on the orchard laid;
When shower and Sun upon the Earth
with fragrance fill the air,
I'll linger here, and will not come,
because my land is fair.'

'When Summer lies upon the world,
and in a noon of gold
Beneath the roof of sleeping leaves
the dreams of trees unfold;
When woodland halls are green and cool,
and wind is in the West,
Come back to m! Come back to me,
and say my land is best!'

'When summer warms the hanging fruit
and burns the berry brown;
When straw is gold, and ear is white,
and harvest comes to town;
When honey spills, and apple swells,
though wind be in the West,
I'll linger here beneath the Sun,
because my land is best!'

'When winter comes, the winter wild
that hill and wood shall slay;
When trees shall fall and starless night
devour the sunless day;
When wind is in the deadly East,
then in the bitter rain
I'll look for thee, and call to thee;
I'll come to thee again!'

'When winter comes and singing ends;
when darkness falls at last;
When broken is the barren bough,
and light and labour past;
I'll look for thee, and wait for thee,
until we meet again:
Together we will take the road
beneath the bitter rain!'

'Together we will take the road
that leads into the West,
And far away will find a land
where both our hearts may rest.' "

Friday, September 16, 2005

mission k9: FAILURE

Salutations Mister Harley Limpman Feudal Lord, esq. III:

I am tapping these tiny letters on these tiny buttons in a manner that is both exhausted and morose. Since you have not been able to break open my rib cage and remove my still beating heart in the past I see you have decided to take a different approach. This time you've decided to yank it out through the openings of my rib cage with your dirty little meat hooks. This, as you may imagine, is all too painful to even comment on.

I must say I am truly disappointed. Not only am I left without a k9 side kick....but you have stained my memory with your small words and red face. Every time my phone rings or the front door knocks I fear it is your voice, head detached and spitting absurdities. The last of your tantrums possessing you to lie on the floor, heels digging into the ground clutching papers demanding my early departure.

I do ask that next time you return my call please refrain from slamming your tender parts in the bathroom door before doing so. I do believe the level of agitation that stirs in your lower extremities makes for an unnecessarily escalated conversation.

The salty liquid falls all to freely these days. My eyes are puffy and bloodshot. I wear eye sheilds to escape possible inquires from the radar detectives. I will send you a bill for $3.42 as compensation for the eye moisturizer and sniff-it packs I was forced to purchase.

In closing, I look fondly upon the day I remove myself from your premises. Me and k9-to-be will spin in delight, laugh, frolic and dance one day. Until then I will report to my regularly scheduled activities and narrow my eyes at every other person on the planet who is able to house their very own creature.

You mean mean man man.

Tossing a Frisbee that keeps landing on the floor,
your disgruntled serf