I am a traveler. My mission: to drive through galaxies in search of life forms never before seen. My only nemesis: the Duchess of Hazard who transmits her distraction devices through such things as free cable and bathtubs of unusual sizes. When I finally submit my findings I will be sent home. Until then I will enjoy every alter universe I stumble upon and with them all the chicken rings and santana covers they have to offer. bye-bye. rs

Monday, October 31, 2005

Stump The Stumper

Humphrey asks: How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

Wow're smart. But not smart enough. You see the question is hypothetical. One does not need to spend time deciphering how much wood a woodchuck would chuck, because as the question points out, that is if a woodchuck could indeed chuck wood. I think, in order to answer this question, we need to figure out if woodchucks can chuck wood....but frankly Billy, I'm not even sure you even wanted to know the answer to this age old tongue twister. Are you merely using this as a way to giggle to yourself for referencing wood to a stump? Well, regardless, I'd forget about it all together. You need to spend your time shoveling and mowing lawns. If you ever see a woodchuck, hypothetical or otherwise, ask him.

Good luck Frank,

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Holey Underpants

throw them out.

movie night in slumberville

lady parade

they parade your lady
one small hand soaring
over broad shoulders and smiles
you motion for me
from around the corner
cheers dissolve into the brick
with glasses raised
you whisper a toast “to happiness.”

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

And Now a Word...


Are your appliances sluggish?
Is your toothbrush not as perky as it use to be?
Does your hallway light seem dull and gloomy?

Of course they do!
You need to find them a mate!

inani*MATE™©® is a for profit, all risk, partial service that is dedicated to matching your loveless possessions with other equally lonely objects in your area. Let's find an item for your items!

Just look at these testimonials from ecstatic clients:
When we moved to Rolling Meadows I just sat on the shelf collecting dust. I mean, I'm happy Rory can't seem to part with me, but he just doesn't listen to Bon Jovi anymore. He contacted inani*MATE™©® and ever since I've been wanted dead or alive! Thanks inani*MATE™©® you rock!

I hated my life. All I did was sit on the bathroom floor waiting for someone to rub my face in the toilet. Then Laurie called inani*MATE™©®. Now I pop a couple minty freshens right before going out on 3-4 dates a week. Thanks inani*MATE™©®! This flush is for you!

If a dirty cotton swab can find love, so can your holey underpants!
What are you waiting for? Contact inani*MATE™©® today!

Every atom deserves a little love!
This is a paid advertisement...well it's not paid in full yet, but we've put something on it.

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

New and Improved Corporate Sponsor!

Fish Faced Killah and I have been ransacking our pod in search of extra US currency to purchase coveted bootlegged manuscripts of the tele-series "Lost". Not only did we manage to destroy our living quarters, we uncovered: one cheeto, an exploded battery, a ripped calendar photo of Joey Lawrence (swoon), and a tiny unidentifiable solar system, none of which are worth close to what we need. As a result, we have decided to get ourselves a corporate sponsor. As an ambassador of robotskirt I would like to welcome inani*MATE™©® to our happily dysfunctional on-line family. We hope you will feel at home here while following these simple guidelines:

1) No pointing (we prefer the two finger / thumb combo to direct)
2) No hiccupping
3) No sprinkling while you’re tinkling

We look forward to a highly productive partnership. We project a tremendous fiscal year filled with lots of ROIs and deliverables both big and small. Let’s get synergized!

Warm Regards,
The Management

p.s. Please leave the fish flakes by the water cooler. Thanks, FFK